Pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next
flight.
Who says the ground crew lacks a sense of humor?
Here are the actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Qantas (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with a S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline to
never, ever, have an accident.
P: left inside main tire almost needs
replacement
S: almost replaced left inside main tire.
P:
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on
this aircraft
P: something loose in cockpit.
S: Something
tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P:
Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 ft per minute descent.
S:
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right
main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume
unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF
inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF
mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're
right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on
right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles
funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target
radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat
installed.
And the best one for the
last.............
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took
hammer away from midget.
